Today was one of those lazy days: drinking copious amounts of tea, sitting by the fire, watching fat flakes fall, throwing cats in the snow, and putting on makeup for no reason. But I feel jittery, anxious.
I’m always thinking about the future, always planning, always worrying. Why can’t I just enjoy a lazy day for what it is? Maybe it’s my creative spirit, striving to jump out of my skin and dance for an audience. This is what makes me put myself out there again and again. Despite my doubts and fears, it’s my creative ego that wants attention. I always seek reassurance for my work. Doesn’t everyone strive to impress?
I’m about twenty percent through writing draft two of my YA fantasy adventure (with a splash of romance) novel. (You can see my thoughts on writing draft one and read a book blurb here.) This week has been a good week, unlike last, for getting stuff done. For being motivated and focusing on producing more. And when I have a bad week? I feel utterly guilty.
I also created a Twitter account today and you should totally follow me. Honestly, I have no idea how to tweet but I want to participate in pitch parties to attract potential agents and publishers. See? I’m always thinking about the future.
I don’t really know what the point of this blog post is. I think as a millennial I suffer from the millennial attitude. The one where we can’t relax and do nothing. If we aren’t being productive in any sense then we feel like we are doing something wrong. And this leads to burnouts and breakdowns. The constant work, the constant strive to be motivated, the constant must-be-productive attitude. I guess having a snow day is supposed to give everyone an excuse to not-be-productive. Everyone is forced to remain in their neighborhood and enjoy the weather. That’s the point of a snow day!
And yet, here I am using a day off to create, to work, to be productive. This post is to remind me to take some true time off. To sit and do nothing. To watch a movie. To throw my cats in the snow. To take a photo shoot for no reason. Because only when I learn to relax will I prevent burnouts and breakdowns.
What do you think? Do you have any strategies to help yourself feel less guilty about taking time for yourself? Let me know it the comments!